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Friday, March 2, 2012

I completly forgot about this!

Nearly a year ago, I wrote (along with a few others) this short script on a WOW camp. (Yes, that's WOW, not POW) I remember reading a news article on it. I can't find that exact news article anymore but I did find the document on Google Docs (fun for collaborative work) I thought it was pretty funny so that's why I'm sharing it with you.

Scene: WOW camp, two prisoners on WOW and two prison guards, they bring in Bernie Madoff...

Guard 1: Bring in the prisoner!

Guard 2: Here he is!

Guard 1: Isn’t this Bernie Madoff?

Madoff: I’m innocent! I didn’t steal any money!

Guard 2: Bullshit

Guard 1: That’s okay; just play world of warcraft for us

Madoff: Wait… What!?!?!?!?

Guard 1: You are going to be playing world of warcraft for us for the rest of your life. If you don’t make our daily quotas, we will beat you with a stick


Prisoner 1: Hey, it’s Madoff!

Prisoner 2: Does this mean that our shift is over?

Guard 1: Shut up! Or we will beat you with a stick.

Guard 2: Let me see how much gold you have mined

[Guards look at computer. They look very displeased]

Guard 2: You barely finished your quota! No food for you!

Guard 1: You didn’t meet your quota! Come with me…

Prisoner 1: No Nooooooooooo! [As he is being dragged off]

Guard 2: And you get to work!

Madoff: No you get to work!

Guard 2: Get to work or I will beat you with a stick!

Madoff: Fine.  Jerk…

Guard 2:  Say that to my face!

Prisoner 2:  Whoahoa!  This is going to be good!

Madoff: You’re a jerk!

Guard 1: [Hits Bernie with a stick from behind] Shut up!!!        

[While Guard 1 is beating Bernie with a stick]

Prisoner 2:  Fight fight fight!

Guard 2:  Back to work prisoner!  Or do you want to meet the stick?

Prisoner 2:  [grumbles] Fine...

Guard 2:  Good.  What are you waiting for?  Go!

Madoff:  Agh, stop!  Stop!

Guard 1:  Had enough, scum? 

Guard 1: They left?

Guard 2: That’s none of your business now, is it?

Guard 1: They went while we were not paying attention Get back to work!

[Beats Madoff with stick]

Madoff: how could you have been not paying attention they were right there?!

Guard 2: No they were not. You were imagining things

[Beats Madoff with stick]

Madoff: There is something suspicious going on...

Guard1: GET TO WORK!!!

Madoff: Alright! Alright!

Guard 2: and don’t bother us until you finish your quota! 

[Prisoner 1 comes back, a little bit roughed up]

Prisoner 1: I’m alive!

Guard 2: No, really?

Prisoner 1: Yes, really! I saw this light and my granny was standing there! There was a weird guy next to her though....

Guard 1: Yeah right, get back to work or we’ll beat you with a stick!

Guard 2: I was being sarcastic... Show Mr. Made Off (with your money) how to mine gold

[the guards leave]

Prisoner 1: Fine, fine...

Madoff: So. How do you play World of Warcraft?

Prisoner 2: Oh, It’s easy. All you have to do is play on these two computers [points to them, not the 
one that madoff is sitting at]

Prisoner 1: Yes, indeed

Madoff: Okay. [Starts working]

Prisoner 2: [whispering] Idiot...

Prisoner 1: See you in a bit!

Madoff: Why are you guys leaving?

Prisoner 2: Our shift is over, didn’t you hear?

[the two prisoners walk out of the room the guards don’t seem to care]

Guard 1: [to Guard 2] So, have you heard any news lately?

Guard 2: I heard that Madoff just robbed a bank.

Guard 1: When!?

Guard 2: A few minutes ago!!

Guard 1: What?! He’s here right now!

Guard 2: Maybe we should check on him

[Guards check on Madoff, Guard 1 hits Guard 2 once with stick]

Guard 1: He’s still here you idiot!

Guard 2: I was joking...Where are the other prisoners?!

Madoff: They just walked out of the room, how could you guys not have noticed?

Guard 1: Shut up prisoner and get to work!

[Guard 1hits Madoff with stick]

Guard 2: Yeah and now you have to do their work too until we find them!

[the guards laugh, walk out]

Madoff: I’m going to be stuck here for 125 years, I wish there was a way for me to make some money

[the prisoners walk back in, laughing]

Prisoner 1: Hey Mr. Ponzi. Bet you can’t catch us!

[Prisoners leave, Mr. Ponzi... err Madoff tries to follow]

Guard 2: Hey, Where are you going!?

Guard 1: Yeah. Who do you think we are. Stupid?

Guard 2: Get back to work! It’s not like we have some big expensive Ponzi scheme

[Beats Madoff with stick]

Madoff: Wah.. But how come the other prisoners get to go?

Madoff: My quota....Wait a minute! Why am I working on their computers too!?

Guard 1: Because they are gone and someone needs to get the work done!

[Prisoners walk back in]

Prisoner 1: I think she likes me.

Prisoner 2: That person was a girl??

Madoff: There you are where did you guys go!?

Prisoner 1: There you are, and were we went is none of you buisness.

Prisoner 2: But we have a great deal for you.

Prisoner 1: Basically, how it goes is that you get 20% interest.

Madoff: I’m not that stupid! I got tons of money from a Ponzi scheme!

Prisoner 2: How long will you be here?

Madoff: 125 years.

Prisoner 1:....How about 40% then?

Madoff: Now that makes more sense!

Prisoner 2: So it’s a deal then?

Madoff: Yea it is a deal

Prisoner 1: Great we just need you to sign these papers.

[Gives Madoff papers and he signs them]

Prisoner 2: Ok so everything is finalized pleasure doing buisness with you Mr. Madoff

[Guards enter]


[Prisoners and Madoff begin working again for about 20 seconds]

Prisoner 1: [whisper] wanna escape? I’ve got some goods I want to show you.

Everyone: Shut up!


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