After a few minor setbacks with what I'm doing, I think I have devised a solution that will work with what I have to deal with. It was in front of me the whole time but I never realized that it would be possible not to look at the bigger picture. Anyways, I will tell you what I'm doing as of right now once I've gotten it done and (almost) ready to be released.
I'm also thinking of writing an ebook about an unemployed man who goes to work as a data analyst in Hell. Since he has a desk job and does not have to "work in the field", his workplace is air conditioned. He also discovers that Hell uses 100% renewable energy. The pay is in blood and there are two main commodity exchanges: blood vs USD and blood vs printer ink (guess which one is more valuable). Oh, and did I mention that it's a democracy? Anybody can run for Satancy, and everyone gets a vote.